thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
