I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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