I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
