dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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