i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
