Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
