Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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