Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
