Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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