24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
