I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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