you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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