I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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