He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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