somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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