so explain again why im purple
no
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
