What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize