I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will pee on everything he values.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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