I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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