so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wear drunk well.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
