genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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