Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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