I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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