I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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