i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
