last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
