Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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