You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
