also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
