What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
