That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
