i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
