3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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