Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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