Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
