so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
