Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
