In the future we'll all be gay
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
