I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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