I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
