At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
