I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
