apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
