So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
