God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
