i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
