Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
