I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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