i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
