I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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