I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
