if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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