I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
