We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
