i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
