you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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