Already got asked if we're dating
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
