There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
