haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
