It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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