Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
