She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
