i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
