Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
