So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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