That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
