:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
