First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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